The Valentine's Day Laundry Failure

This is the story of the
Valentine's Day Laundry Failure of Juliana and Alana.

Here the story is told in excruciating detail, in the words of Juliana Rose herself. In the third person, for dramatic effect. Enjoy!


So, Juliana and Alana had to go do their laundry because they were out of underwear and jeans. They hiked all of their laundry down to the laundry room, and as they opened the laundry room door they were hit with heat of tropic proportions, and started sweating simultaneously.

They loaded 7 washing machines (between the two of them) and started to turn the machines on after scientifically sorting the laundry. They started turning the machines on, and finally only one machine was left unagitated. Juliana loaded her detergent into the detergent receptacle, and started depositing quarters into the machine.

After two quarters, the machine started spitting Juliana's quarters back at her, violently and unnecessarily. Juliana proceeded to bitch-smack the machine and throw a childish tantrum. She picked up another quarter to deposit into the quarter receptacle. Alas, this quarter was accepted. Yet, when Juliana tried to add the fourth quarter, it again would not take. Through deductive reasoning, Juliana determined that the quarter receptacle was merely overloaded with quarters.

"Yet," Juliana thought in her head, "how will I fix such a problem?"

Juliana, backed up by Alana, proceeded to determine that the only way to solve the overwhelmed quarter receptacle issue was to call campus police. Unfortunately, Juliana and Alana were not in possession of the campus police extension or cell phone service in the basement. To fix the problem, they proceeded out of the hot as hell laundry room and upstairs to the lobby of Daniels Hall. There, they searched frantically for the campus police extension. The number was nowhere in sight, so Juliana proceeded to dial random numbers, hoping that one would be correct. She was, unfortunately, mistaken.

Luckily, at the opportune moment, three kind WPI students walked into the lobby of Daniels Hall. Sensing and opportunity, Juliana pounced and asked the girls if they happened to know the number of the nonemergency line of the WPI campus police. Eureka! They did.

Now in possession of the number, Juliana called campus police and told them of her sad story. Unfortunately, the kind operator at WPI campus police was absolutely no fucking help and told Juliana that she would have to wait until Monday to fix the problem, but that she would be happy to report the laundry machine number to facilities.

A little bit ticked off, Juliana and Alana proceeded back down to the laundry room. Juliana aggressively collected her laundry from the overwhelmed machine and transferred to a newly empty washer. Here, she proceeded to load quarters, but the second quarter refused to load. Juliana was appalled, while Alana was hysterical.

"How is it," Juliana demanded, "that every washing machine has too many quarters!!?!?!"

Again, Juliana tried to load the quarter into the second overwhelmed machine. Sensing something was not right, Juliana's next step was to pick up and examine the quarter in question. Then, the moment of truth: It was a Canadian quarter! Juliana could not believe her eyes. The whole time, she had believed that overwhelmed-quarter-machines were her problem, when in fact she was simply using foreign currency.

In her frustration, Juliana chucked the Canadian quarter at its rightful owner, the Canadian. At her wit's end, Juliana rescooped the laundry from the second washing machine, returned it to the original washer, deposited two American quarters, and slammed the door shut.

Then she pressed "bright colors" and all was well.